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How to Write a Good Obituary

A practical, step-by-step guide for when it matters most.

Somewhere in your family, in a scrapbook, a manila folder in a filing cabinet, there's probably a clipped obituary from decades ago. Maybe it's for a grandparent. Maybe a great-aunt you barely knew.

Those small notices can be surprisingly precious. For many families, they're the only written record a future grandchild will ever read about that person.

The trouble is, most obituaries capture only the bare minimum: name, age, date of death. They don't tell us what the person loved, how they spent a Saturday, or what they were known for at the dinner table.

A good obituary does two things at once. It tells the community what has happened and how to pay respects. And it preserves a small, honest portrait for the people who come after.

You don't need to be a writer to do this well. You need a clear structure and a few thoughtful details. This guide will walk you through both.

Before you start, gather what you need

Writing while grieving is hard. A little preparation makes the whole process less overwhelming.

Collect the key facts

You'll want these on hand before you write a word:

Full legal name, and the name they actually went by
Age, date and place of death
City or town where they lived most recently
Names and relationships of close family members
Service details, if known
Charity or donation preferences, if any

Check details against documents

If you can, confirm spellings and dates using a birth or marriage certificate, immigration papers, military records, a résumé or work bio, or old photo albums with captions. A family member who remembers the early years can fill in gaps that no document will.

Ask two questions that unlock the whole piece

Call or text one or two people who knew them well. Ask: "What would people say they were known for?" and "What's one story that feels like them?"

You're not collecting a biography. You're looking for one or two vivid details, the kind that make someone reading it think, "Yes, that was them."

A simple structure that works every time

Think of this as a five-part outline. It can be three paragraphs or three pages. The order does the heavy lifting.

1. The announcement

Start with their full name (and nickname, if everyone used it), age, and date and place of death. You can include cause of death if the family chooses to share it. Keep this line calm and direct: "Margaret Anne Wilson died peacefully on January 12, 2026, in Peterborough, Ontario, at age 81."

2. The life story

This is the heart of it. Cover where they grew up, what shaped them, their work or vocation (paid or unpaid), their family life, and what they loved, especially in later years. Include the major milestones, then add one specific detail that makes the person feel real.

The kind of details that work:
"Never missed a Sunday phone call."
"Made legendary butter tarts every Christmas."
"Could fix anything with a coffee in one hand."
"Knew every neighbour's dog by name."

These are the lines people remember. Don't skip them.

3. Family and close relationships

List immediate family clearly and respectfully. The usual order: spouse or partner, children (and their spouses or partners), grandchildren, siblings, then parents if still living, or note who predeceased them.

A word of advice: Family politics fade. Regret lasts. If someone should be included, include them.

4. Service information

Make this easy to scan. State the type of gathering (funeral, memorial, celebration of life), date, time, full address, whether it's open to all or private, and livestream details if applicable.

5. Thanks, donations, and a closing note

This is optional, but families often appreciate it. Thank care providers, neighbours, or a specific community. Include donation details if the family prefers that in place of (or alongside) flowers. A short closing line that fits your family's tone can bring the whole piece home.

Aim for warmth and truth, not perfection

Many people feel pressure to write only glowing praise. But an obituary that reads like a greeting card can feel distant. The best ones are warm and honest, without sharing anything private or unflattering.

What "honest" can look like:
"Always early, except for family dinners."
"Strong tea, no sugar, and a serious opinion about hockey."
"Quiet in a crowd, unstoppable in the garden."

You're not writing a confession. You're giving a real person the dignity of being recognizable.

Four common pitfalls, and how to avoid them

Getting stuck on the first sentence. Start with the facts. Emotion can come later. The first line can be plain.

Writing too much, then freezing. Write a short version first. You can always expand it after.

Disagreements in the family. Send the draft to one or two key people before publishing. Ask them to check names, spellings, dates, who's included, and service details. If there's tension, keep the obituary focused on what everyone agrees is true and respectful.

Mistakes that are hard to undo. Proofread carefully. Then ask someone else to proofread. Check every name twice. Once it's published, corrections are difficult, especially in print.

A template you can copy and fill in

If it helps to see a skeleton, here's one you can use as a starting point.

Opening
[Full name], age [age], died on [date] in [place]. [Optional: After a brief illness / surrounded by family / peacefully, etc.]

Life story
Born in [place] on [date], [first name] was [a brief description of their work, role, or life focus]. They [married / raised a family / built a career / served their community] in [place]. They were known for [trait or quality]. One small example: [short anecdote or specific detail]. In later years, they especially enjoyed [hobbies, people, routines, or community involvement].

Family
[First name] is survived by [spouse or partner], [children], [grandchildren], [siblings], and [other close relationships]. They were predeceased by [names and relationships], if you wish to include.

Service
A [funeral / memorial / celebration of life] will be held on [date] at [time] at [location and full address]. [Optional: Reception details. Livestream link. Private or public note.]

Thanks and donations
The family thanks [care team, friends, or community]. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to [charity name and link], if desired.

Final checklist before you publish

Want a second pair of eyes?

If you've written a rough draft and want help tightening it, reply to this email. I can also help you create a shorter version for newspaper publication and a longer version for online sharing.

Featured Tools

Two resources developed by Heritage Trust and the Canadian Estate Club make organizing your affairs simple and secure.

The Canadian Executor’s Guide

Free at www.estateclub.ca/executor-guide

This free online resource walks executors through every stage of the estate administration process in clear, Canadian terms. It explains:

What to do immediately after a death
How to locate and interpret the Will
How to apply for probate
How to deal with taxes, debts, and distributions
How to manage real estate, investments, and digital assets
How to communicate effectively with beneficiaries
What professional help may be needed and when

It also includes checklists, practical examples, and common pitfalls to avoid.

Executors can bookmark it and refer to it step by step, giving them confidence and clarity at a difficult time.

The Estate Organizer

Available at www.estateclub.ca/estate-organizer

The Estate Organizer is a digital course and downloadable toolkit that helps you compile every piece of information your executor will need. It includes:

Guided templates for your Will, Power of Attorney, and healthcare documents
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Password and contact sheets
A printable “Estate Binder” for easy storage
Step-by-step video lessons to walk you through completion

Most people who start the Estate Organizer finish it within a weekend and describe an immediate sense of relief.

If the Executor’s Guide supports the person settling your estate, the Estate Organizer supports you — the person planning it. Together, they ensure nothing is lost, and everything is clear.

A Legacy of Clarity and Care

Estate planning is not just about dividing assets. It is an act of love and stewardship. When you prepare now, you spare your family from unnecessary stress later.

Your executor will thank you. Your family will thank you. And you will leave a legacy defined not only by what you had, but by the care you took to make things easier for those you love.

Start today:

📘 The Canadian Executor’s Guide

📁 The Estate Organizer

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